Cooking on Cloud Wine

Category: Desserts

  • What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

    What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

    Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

    Natural Born Kissers

    A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

    • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
    • Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

    Life on the Fast Lane

    Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

    Selma’s Choice

    “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

    1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
    2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
    3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
    Rosebud

    Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

    Cape Feare

    Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

  • 18 Animals With Ridiculously Misleading Names. Where Did They Come Up With These?

    18 Animals With Ridiculously Misleading Names. Where Did They Come Up With These?

    Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

    What… is your quest?

    Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?

    • Camelot!
    • Burn her!
    • We want a shrubbery!!
    • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

    I’m not dead!

    Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

    Bridgekeeper

    Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.

    1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
    2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
    Help, help, I’m being repressed!

    Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?

    What… is your quest?

    …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!

  • This Is The Damage A Presidential Term Or Two Can Do. Look At Those Wrinkles!

    This Is The Damage A Presidential Term Or Two Can Do. Look At Those Wrinkles!

    Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do!

    Army of Ghosts

    You’ve swallowed a planet! I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself. Heh-haa! Super squeaky bum time! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish.

    • You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas?
    • Saving the world with meals on wheels.
    • You’ve swallowed a planet!
    • I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

    Vincent and the Doctor

    I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! It’s art! A statement on modern society, ‘Oh Ain’t Modern Society Awful?’! Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you? I am the Doctor, and you are the Daleks!

    The Empty Child

    I am the last of my species, and I know how that weighs on the heart so don’t lie to me! Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

    1. Saving the world with meals on wheels.
    2. Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush.
    Evolution of the Daleks

    Stop talking, brain thinking. Hush. Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

    Vincent and the Doctor

    Aw, you’re all Mr. Grumpy Face today. You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME! The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. Saving the world with meals on wheels. I’m the Doctor, I’m worse than everyone’s aunt. *catches himself* And that is not how I’m introducing myself.

  • This Photographer And Her Bunny Have Epic Photo Shoots. It’s Just Too Cute.

    This Photographer And Her Bunny Have Epic Photo Shoots. It’s Just Too Cute.

    Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Really? Did nothing cancel? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor.

    Mr. F

    He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. Oh, you’re gonna be in a coma, all right. Marry me.

    • I’ve opened a door here that I regret.
    • That’s why you always leave a note!
    • He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish.
    • He’ll want to use your yacht, and I don’t want this thing smelling like fish.

    Pier Pressure

    I’ve opened a door here that I regret. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence. Steve Holt! First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians.

    Afternoon delight

    Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it. Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.

    1. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer.
    2. Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
    3. Across from where?
    Exit Strategy

    I’m a monster. Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. Michael! No… but I’d like to be asked! I care deeply for nature.

    Good Grief!

    It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Michael! There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. But I bought a yearbook ad from you, doesn’t that mean anything anymore? Now, when you do this without getting punched in the chest, you’ll have more fun.