Cooking on Cloud Wine

Category: Miscellaneous

  • Here Are Some Cats Who Prove Why They Aren’t Considered Man’s Best Friend.

    Here Are Some Cats Who Prove Why They Aren’t Considered Man’s Best Friend.

    Sorry, checking all the water in this area; there’s an escaped fish. *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! Did I mention we have comfy chairs? Father Christmas. Santa Claus. Or as I’ve always known him: Jeff. Saving the world with meals on wheels. Annihilate? No. No violence. I won’t stand for it. Not now, not ever, do you understand me?! I’m the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm – and you basically meant beat them in a football match, didn’t you?

    Vincent and the Doctor

    *Insistently* Bow ties are cool! Come on Amy, I’m a normal bloke, tell me what normal blokes do! You know how I sometimes have really brilliant ideas? You hate me; you want to kill me! Well, go on! Kill me! KILL ME!

    • You’ve swallowed a planet!
    • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
    • The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things.…hey.…the good things don’t always soften the bad things; but vice-versa the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
    • No… It’s a thing; it’s like a plan, but with more greatness.
  • Get Ready For Halloween With These Couple Costumes That Actually Rock.

    Get Ready For Halloween With These Couple Costumes That Actually Rock.

    I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Don’t underestimate the Force. You don’t believe in the Force, do you?

    The Force Unleashed

    In my experience, there is no such thing as luck. What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Partially, but it also obeys your commands. I call it luck. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Partially, but it also obeys your commands.

    • I can’t get involved! I’ve got work to do! It’s not that I like the Empire, I hate it, but there’s nothing I can do about it right now. It’s such a long way from here.
    • Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
    • You don’t believe in the Force, do you?
    • Ye-ha!
    • You mean it controls your actions?

    The Sith Lords

    What?! Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. What!?

    A New Hope

    I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. Red Five standing by. Alderaan? I’m not going to Alderaan. I’ve got to go home. It’s late, I’m in for it as it is. Ye-ha! I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing.

    1. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money.
    2. Your eyes can deceive you. Don’t trust them.
    3. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
    The Empire Strikes Back

    You mean it controls your actions? You don’t believe in the Force, do you? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

    The Sith Lords

    I need your help, Luke. She needs your help. I’m getting too old for this sort of thing. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. Leave that to me. Send a distress signal, and inform the Senate that all on board were killed. Don’t act so surprised, Your Highness. You weren’t on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.

  • What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

    What One Hiker Found In The Mountains of Tennessee Is Beyond Incredible.

    Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.

    Natural Born Kissers

    A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?

    • The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity…
    • Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

    Life on the Fast Lane

    Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO! Inflammable means flammable? What a country.

    Selma’s Choice

    “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn. Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!

    1. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.
    2. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work.
    3. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
    Rosebud

    Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy.

    Cape Feare

    Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

  • 18 Animals With Ridiculously Misleading Names. Where Did They Come Up With These?

    18 Animals With Ridiculously Misleading Names. Where Did They Come Up With These?

    Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice!

    What… is your quest?

    Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean?

    • Camelot!
    • Burn her!
    • We want a shrubbery!!
    • Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help, I’m being repressed!

    I’m not dead!

    Why? Found them? In Mercia?! The coconut’s tropical! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! We want a shrubbery!!

    Bridgekeeper

    Burn her! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. I’m not a witch.

    1. On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place.
    2. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!
    Help, help, I’m being repressed!

    Where’d you get the coconuts? And the hat. She’s a witch! On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! How do you know she is a witch?

    What… is your quest?

    …Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate? On second thoughts, let’s not go there. It is a silly place. Burn her anyway!